Avengers: Truth or Dare
by Team Damon
Summary: All they really want to do is just go to sleep after the week they've had, but thanks to Thor's roof-destroying antics and Tony's creative imagination, they end up playing Truth or Dare while getting as drunk as humanly - and not so humanly - possible.


**A/N: this is for midnightwing96, my dearest e-friend whom I greatly adore :D My first Avengers fic, so hopefully I didn't butcher anyone, but hey, if I did, I blame the extensive amount of alcohol they consume throughout this story, not my own character perception. Ha! Oh, I suppose i should warn those of you who aren't fond of slash that there is some very mild, lighthearted, humorous slashiness ahead, but nothing graphic and definitely nothing serious :D it's drunk truth or dare, so, you know, stuff happens lol. Anyway, let me know what you think, and thanks for reading :D **

On the top, partially destroyed, floor of Stark Tower, Tony Stark sat bleary eyed and clutching a glass of dark liquid as he surveyed the equally dour faces of his "guests".

They were all exhausted, they all looked and felt like crap, and none of them wanted to be here. Director Fury had sent agents to debrief them about the previous day's events, which Tony had thrown an appropriate tantrum over to no avail, and they had just finished up less than an hour ago. That left Tony, Clint, Natasha, Steve, and Bruce all sitting around now in silence, their desires to go home tempered by the urge to not move for about the next week or so. Saving the world, as it happened, was quite physically exhausting.

Tony sipped his drink, then raised his brows as he surveyed his fellow Avengers. "So... are you guys going to leave, or what?"

"I'm comfortable where I am," Natasha shrugged, admittedly looking rather comfy in a leather armchair that she'd dragged up here from a downstairs office. The others either stared silently or scratched at their necks, glancing at the floor.

Tony took another drink, this time draining the glass. "Sleepover then? I've probably got some sleeping bags and... fuzzy pink slippers somewhere around here."

"Are you sure you should be drinking like that after almost dying yesterday?" Steve asked, gesturing to Tony's empty glass.

"I appreciate the concern, Cap, but I'm good," Tony shrugged, getting up to pour himself a double as Bruce ran his fingers through his hair and voiced a concern.

"How come Thor gets to just run off without so much as a... I don't know... explanation or assurance of what's going to happen with the Tesseract?"

"Because, Banner, it's kind of hard to make the god of thunder sit down and get debriefed when he's got an evil brother to get home, plus an unstable energy source that almost got us all killed," Tony pointed out. He brought his newly refilled glass to his lips but then paused as he said, "Debrief. That's a funny word. No, think about it - 'sit down and get debriefed' - I mean, who comes up with this cr-"

A loud, building-shaking boom sounded out from just over their heads, and all of the Avengers had heard the sound quite enough recently to not have to bother wondering what, or who, had caused it. Tony sighed. "Speak of the devil."

Then there was another loud crash, this time due to Thor apparently smashing through the ceiling and leaving a huge hole in his wake. Luckily, he chose to fall through a side on the far east portion of the floor and not where anyone was sitting.

"Are you kidding me?" Tony exclaimed. "Come _on_! Do you know how many repairs this building needs al... ready. Shit."

Every pair of eyes widened at the exact same moment as they all realized that Thor was not alone - he was holding an infuriated-looking Loki by the back of his green and good getup in one hand, and had both Mjolnir and the Tesseract in his other hand.

"I am sorry, Tony Stark," Thor said, letting go of his handcuffed and muzzled brother, and looking genuinely apologetic. "My father will not be prepared for my brother's return until tomorrow, and I did not know where else to safely take him and the Tesseract until then."

Tony rolled his eyes and stepped out from behind the bar, pausing for a moment to take a deep breath as he began, "Look, Point Break, in case you can't tell, this place is in shambles and we're all probably to pass out in a big heap within the next ten minutes."

"I cannot take him back to SHIELD," Thor pointed out, ignoring the death glares his brother was receiving, the fiercest of which were from the two assassins. Steve simply looked bewildered and Bruce looked even more tired now. "They will try to take him prisoner again."

"Maybe they should," Clint remarked. Loki turned his head to glare at him, though the effect was nearly comical what with the muzzle and cuffs.

"He cannot use his magic," Thor said, ignoring Clint and addressing Tony, who had sunk back down in his chair with his scotch. "If he wasn't harmless I would not have brought him here. I only wish to stay for the night."

"And you're telling us that thing's harmless?" Steve asked incredulously, gesturing to the Tesseract.

"It is while it's under my control," Thor replied, his tone sure.

"Why exactly can you not go back to Asgard yet?" Bruce asked, leaning forward in his seat with elbows on his knees.

"My father has to ensure that my brother's holdings are completely secure."

Tony laughed sarcastically at this. "So naturally, you decide to drop into my partially demolished tower, since it's so secure."

"Just let him stay," Natasha said, rolling her eyes. "Loki might be a psychotic bastard but it's kind of entertaining to see him like this."

"The muzzle does suit him," Clint agreed.

Tony dragged a hand over his face, then muttered as he looked sadly upon his now-empty glass, "Unbelievable."

Thor took this as a green light and smiled brightly. "Thank you, Tony Stark."

Tony watched as Thor dropped his brother into a chair, then brought the encased Tesseract over to Steve and placed it by his side. Steve sighed inaudibly at this, resigning himself to his fate of being considered the most responsible person in the room. Then Thor turned and surveyed the other folks in the room. "You all look terrible."

"Kind of had a long day yesterday," Bruce half-smiled. "Not all of us are gods who bounce back by morning."

"All right," Tony said, getting to his feet, "I feel ridiculous being the only one with the good sense to drink myself into a stupor. Who wants a drink? Or five?"

Natasha was the first to raise her hand. Clint glanced at her, then nodded. Steve crossed his arms and stared at Loki, who was staring back with pure loathing in his green eyes, and Bruce rubbed his eyes tiredly. Tony quirked a brow and said, "All right then, drinks all around. Minus Captain Sober over there, of course."

As Tony went to work grabbing bottles and glasses, Thor took a seat next to the one he'd shoved Loki down on, thus sandwiching himself between his brother and Natasha. When Tony reappeared and started distributing the glasses - pretending to hand one to Loki and then smiling gleefully as he pretended to just remember that Loki's cuffs prevented him from taking it - Steve piped up, "Don't you think it's a little bit idiotic to sit here and get everyone drunk when we've got a madman in the room plus the energy source he almost destroyed the planet with?"

"Not at all," Tony shrugged, setting the various bottles down in front of the others, leaving them to pour their own drinks as he sat down opposite them once more. "Besides, you can be our... designated... Avenger. Yeah, that works."

"That's great," Steve said in mock sincerity. "Really."

"And here I thought we'd turned a corner in our relationship, Cap," Tony said, glancing as everyone else besides Bruce and Loki started drinking. Thor was examining a bottle of red wine that Natasha had offered him, making a face when he smelled it. "It's really too bad that you can't get drunk. You could stand to loosen up a little. Or a lot."

"Midgardian wine," Thor grimaced, handing the bottle back to Natasha. "I mean no offense, but it tastes like the excrement of rodents."

"Have a lot of experience with the excrement of rodents?" Tony inquired.

Thor glanced at Tony and then eyed the wine before replying, "I would rather eat what you call 'Shawarma'' every day for many weeks before drinking one glass of that supposed wine, I am sorry to say."

"Well, so am I," Tony said, "but I've got a full bar here, so I'm sure you can find something you can choke down. Unless you're really that spoiled. Can you even get drunk?"

"Of course I can," Thor replied. "But Asgardian liquor is far more potent than what you have here on Earth. I have never felt effects from liquor here."

"What a drag," Tony said, turning his attention to the slightly forlorn-looking Bruce and saying, "Hey buddy, drink up. You look as bad as I feel."

"It's generally not a good idea for me to drink or do drugs, for reasons that are, frankly, beyond obvious," Bruce replied.

"Oh, come on," Tony shrugged, "live a little." Then he noticed Thor taking a sniff of a bottle of vodka and looking particularly repulsed. "Okay, seriously, if you can't handle our inferior liquor, Thor, why don't you get someone from Asgard to deliver some fancy alien wine or something?"

Thor looked on the verge of scoffing just as he suddenly paused and seemed to get an idea. Natasha was already gulping down her second glass of wine as he spoke, "There _is_ an alternative. But I require one's help. Banner - may I have your assistance?"

"Me?"

"Yes," Thor nodded. "You are the person in this room most feared by my brother."

"Wait," Steve interjected, "exactly what are you planning on doing, Thor?"

"Have no worries, my friends," Thor said, "Loki is well under my control."

Clint and Natasha shared a look that said _yeah right_, while Steve looked nearly ready to scream and Bruce remained rooted to his seat. Tony was silently downing more scotch, just now starting to feel a mild effect from it. "Come, Banner," Thor bellowed.

Up until now, Loki had been sitting motionless in his seat, staring with derision and unveiled hatred at anyone who happened to be speaking, but now he was glaring at his brother with confusion and more than a little concern. He seemed as astonished as anyone else that Bruce actually got up and stood next to Thor, his arms crossed and a suspicious look on his face.

Thor seemed quite happy as he clapped Bruce's back and then turned to Loki, his expression suddenly turning serious and a bit menacing as he said in a low voice, "Loki, I am going to unbind you for exactly one moment. If you attempt to escape, attack, or otherwise endanger the lives of anyone in this room or this realm, I shall unleash Banner upon you, and you shall be at his mercy. Understand?"

Being Loki, he couldn't agree to this without glaring at both Thor and Bruce long enough to make them understand the depths of his loathing for being forced to agree to such a thing. However, he did eventually nod, and Thor quickly removed his brother's muzzle, then slapped one of the cuffs on his own wrists, binding Loki to himself.

"Of all the ridiculous indignities I've suffered at your hand, brother, this is -"

Thor nodded impatiently, then shoved a bottle of wine towards Loki with his free hand. "Please, brother. Work your magic on this inferior wine."

Loki snatched the bottle with a hiss, looking around the room as he held the bottle with a grip nearly tight enough to shatter it. "Pathetic mortals. You laze around and gorge yourselves on drink while pretending to hold any sort of power over anyone -"

"Enough, Loki," Thor snapped. "Do it."

"It is already done, you imbecilic -"

Before Loki could finish his sentence, Thor had slapped the muzzle back on his face and rebound his wrists. Loki was shoved back down into his chair with a resounding thud, and Thor held up the bottle of wine with a smile. "Asgardian wine, everyone?"

"You expect us to drink something that your brother just did some weird magic to?" Natasha asked flatly. Thor's smile quickly disappeared, then became neutral as he turned back to Loki and removed the muzzle once more.

"Drink first."

"I did not poison it you foolish -"

"Take the first drink, Loki."

Thor then held the bottle to his brother's lips, and Loki half-growled before acquiescing and taking a sip. "There. Happy?"

Thor nodded and then stuck the muzzle back over Loki's face. "Thank you, brother. Now - where was I?"

"Question," Clint said. "What exactly is the difference between normal wine and that stuff?"

"This," Thor said, refilling Natasha's glass for her, "is the finest alcoholic beverage you will ever have the pleasure of tasting, Agent Barton. There is none of the bitterness or unpleasant burn of what you Midgardians call wine. But have care - it is extremely potent, far more potent than anything you've drank before."

"All right," Tony said, getting to his feet again, "I've gotta try this out. I'm having a hard time believing you."

Thor played bartender then, pouring each person a glass of the magically enhanced wine, including a reluctant but ultimately acquiescent Bruce. Steve looked at his portion a bit sadly, knowing it wouldn't do anything to him, but curious about the taste nonetheless.

"All right," Thor grinned as Loki silently seethed, "let us drink!"

Drink they did, a collective sipping of the dark red liquid that quickly turned to surprised looks and outright swigging. Tony appeared most shocked out of all, but Natasha spoke first. "That's... that doesn't even taste like wine."

"It's not bitter at all but not sweet, either," Bruce marveled, quickly downing the rest of his portion.

"What do you have to say, Stark?" Thor beamed expectantly.

"... Not bad," Tony conceded. "What do you think, Cap?"

"For once, I'm glad that I can drink as much as I can of this without consequences," Steve said, clearly as taken with the wine as everyone else.

"More," Clint said, and his sentiments were quickly echoed around the room.

"It is wise to drink this slowly," Thor said cautiously. "This is potent even for myself - I am not aware of the full effects it has on mortals."

"Fantastic!" Tony exclaimed, grabbing the bottle and taking it upon himself to pour out the requested refills. "It's as good a night as any for an experiment, right? Not like we have a raving muzzled lunatic in the room, or the Tesseract. What's the worst that could happen?"

Steve frowned and began admonishing, "Stark..."

"Save it, Rogers," Tony said, plopping back down in his chair. "Come on, let's all sit down and enjoy this weird shit. By the way, thanks, Loki," he raised his glass to the glaring Asgardian, "you're really missing out."

After they all sat and resumed drinking, Bruce observed Loki for a moment or two and asked, "Does the muzzle have some kind of... anti-magic component?"

"Yes," Thor nodded. "It is not fixed to him to merely keep him silent. It is to make sure he cannot use his magic to escape."

"Blah blah blah... this is boring," Tony said, feeling the wine start to go to his head just a bit. He knew full well the effect of mixing substantial amounts of separate liquors, and considering that one of the liquors involved was supposed to be highly potent, he was pretty sure he was on his way to wasted. "Hey, why don't we play a game?"

"A game?" Steve repeated with wide eyes.

"A game?" Thor said, his expression suddenly childlike in excitement. "What sort of game? I am not familiar with Midgardian games."

"Considering this is Tony Stark's idea," Natasha said, feeling her own head start to spin now, "I'll take an educated guess and say strip poker."

"Strip poker?" Thor repeated. "Is this some sort of fighting game?"

Collective chuckles rumbled, and it didn't escape Tony's notice that even Loki rolled his eyes. That was surprising. "No, it's more of a... naked game. And no, Miss Romanov, that's not what I had in mind at all. I'm a guy in a room with five other men and one woman, and knowing you, we'd all be naked in five minutes and you'd still be fully clothed. So tell me how that would benefit me."

"... That does not sound like a very fun game," Thor said quietly.

"My point exactly," Tony said, leaning forward in his seat. "No, here's what I'm thinking. What's the perfect game for a group of people with various mutations, deadly skill sets, long-held grudges, daddy issues, secrets, weaponized suits, and alien DNA?"

Everyone stared at him blankly, including Loki.

Tony sighed. "Truth or dare. _Duh_."

Cue groaning from everyone who was not the silent Loki or the confused Thor. "Truth or dare?" Bruce repeated. "What, are we all thirteen now?"

"No, because this will be drunk truth or dare," Tony grinned. "Come on, who's with me? Who wants to live a little?"

Natasha was the first to eventually shrug in agreement. Clint followed her lead, Bruce threw his hands up in a "whatever" gesture, Steve dragged his hand over his face, and Thor asked seriously, "Can someone explain this game to me?"

"You get asked by one player if you'd rather tell a truth or perform a dare," Natasha said after finishing what amounted to her fourth glass of wine - she was feeling rather good by now. "You pick one, and either have to answer their question truthfully, or do whatever they dare you to do. Then it's your turn to ask someone else of your choosing truth or dare."

"Ah!" Thor smiled. "We have something like this that we play on Asgard. This shall be fun!"

"This is ridiculous," Steve frowned. "I'm about one more stupid decision of Stark's away from calling Fury."

"Oh no you're not," Tony said. "Thor, give Captain Old-Man Grouchy-Pants more wine."

Steve groaned, "It won't do anything, Stark, you know that."

"No I don't," Tony shrugged. "This is Asgardian, Loki-magicked wine. Who knows, enough of it might do the trick."

"Even if it did, Loki and the damn Tesseract is right here - all of us drunk would be a recipe for disaster."

Tony scoffed. "Less talking, more drinking!"

Thor shoved another glass of wine into Steve's hand, and as the soldier rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to protest more, Tony cut him off with a cheerful, "Well, since this was my idea, I guess I'll go first. But before I do, I just want to check - is everyone tipsy enough?"

"I feel great," Natasha grinned.

"The room's a little spinny," Clint nodded.

"My arms feel like dead weights," Bruce said.

"I am sufficiently affected," Thor said.

"Okay," Steve sighed, "since I'm clearly the only voice of reason here, shouldn't we at least get Loki drunk, too? I would feel significantly better about this whole mess if he was as drunk as Stark is."

"I'm not drunk," Tony quickly pointed out. "But I think that's a fantastic safety net to have. Thor, pour the rest of that bottle down his throat."

"Banner, I need your assistance once more," Thor said, ignoring the now outraged look in Loki's eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," Bruce muttered, swaying on his feet a little when he got up.

As soon as Loki's muzzle was off, he started ranting and raving. "Thor, I swear on the throne of Asgard that I will have my revenge for this outrageous -"

"Shut up and drink," Bruce rolled his eyes, shoving the bottle in his face as Thor held him still.

"I most certainly will do no such thing -"

"Brother, the more you struggle, the harder you make this," Thor pleaded.

"That's the point you pathetic, dim-witted -"

Suddenly, Natasha appeared at Loki's side, pressing the tip of a taser against Loki's neck. "Drink or I'll tase you into all nine realms and back again."

"Listen to the woman," Thor said, his expression stone-cold serious. "I have experienced the peril caused by this device. It is not to be underestimated."

"I am not you, Thor, and I shall not be intimidated by this primitive box -"

Natasha sighed. "You never learn, do you?" She then gave him a small, one-second tase, right in the crook of his neck.

When Loki stopped convulsing and returned to the land of the living, he looked up at Natasha in shock and dropped his head back against the chair. Bruce shoved the bottle back into his grasp, and this time, Loki took it without argument. After a moment he took to catch his breath, he then drank the wine obediently.

"Are you telling me that all we had to do this entire time was tase him?" Tony asked incredulously, watching comfortably from his chair. "Son of a bitch."

"Is that enough to get him drunk?" Bruce asked after Loki polished off the bottle.

Thor shrugged. "Perhaps he should have a bit more, to be safe. Loki, refill the bottle."

Loki glared at Thor and said, "Do you wish for me to die choking on my own drunken vomit with that infernal muzzle in my mouth?"

"... I didn't think of that," Thor frowned.

"Either stop pouring the wine down my throat or leave the muzzle off. You know I cannot use my magic when I'm drunk, so there is no difference."

"I call bullshit," Tony piped up.

"No, he is telling the truth," Thor said, glancing around the room at all the skeptical faces. "I have seen this myself."

Steve groaned for the thousandth time and sunk further in his seat. "This night just keeps getting fucking stupider and stupider."

Back in her seat, Natasha stared at the soldier and asked in disbelief, "Did you just swear?"

"Holy shit, I think he _is_ getting drunk," Tony grinned. "Quick, somebody get this on video."

"I'm not drunk, I'm frustrated!" Steve half-exclaimed. "I mean, did we really save the world yesterday just to act like complete reckless idiots tonight?"

"... Yeah," Tony shrugged. "Your point?" A quick glance to his left saw Loki guzzling down more wine, and Thor's face lighting up with another idea.

Thor left his muzzle-less brother's side and walked to where the Tesseract was sitting next to Steve, and he quickly deposited Mjolnir on top of the case. "There. Now even if Loki managed to get to the Tesseract, he could not take it."

"Oh, see that?" Tony nodded in approval. "You feel better now, Rogers? Come on, people, let's get this game started. I don't want to be a senior citizen by the time it gets going."

Thor then took his seat next to Loki, who was still clutching the bottle of wine with a dazed look on his face, though that was most likely due to the taser and not yet to the alcohol. Thor took the bottle away and then refastened the cuffs around Loki's wrists, behind his back, and Loki didn't make a noise of protest.

"Okay. So, we're ready now, yeah?" Tony asked.

"Oh, for God's sake, just get this over with," Steve muttered.

"You know, Cap, even Reindeer Games over there is less of a party pooper than you. At least he's got the decency to shut up and let the adults have their fun."

That earned nothing but a half-hearted glare from Loki, and Tony took the opportunity to clap his hands together and grin. "All right! Let's get started. I'll go first. Let's see..." He surveyed the faces before him, deciding to go for the one who was the most flushed and most drunk-looking. "Natasha. Truth or dare?"

She rolled her eyes, but was half-grinning as she said, "Why do I get the feeling that as the only woman here, I'm going to have an interesting night?"

Tony wriggled his eyebrows at her. "Only one way to find out. Truth or dare?"

She hesitated only a moment before replying, "Dare."

"Fearless," Tony grinned. "I like it. Hmm... all right. I dare you to plant one on the person in the room that you honestly find most attractive."

"Yep," Bruce sighed, "we're all definitely thirteen again."

Natasha tilted her head and asked, "Honestly?"

"Honestly," Tony grinned.

On her left, Clint noticeably straightened, and suddenly everyone in the room, even Loki, realized that Clint assumed he'd be her choice. She then asked, "Based purely on looks?"

"Absolutely," Tony nodded.

She sighed. "Honesty always gets me into the most trouble."

Natasha then stood up, set her empty glass aside, and strode past Thor to his brother's chair. When she stopped and stood in front of Loki, and his eyes slowly rose up to meet hers, Clint looked as if he'd been punched the gut while Tony covered his mouth to keep from laughing. Steve watched in horror and Bruce shared Tony's reaction as she lowered herself down to the seat, her knees on either side of the bewildered Asgardian's waist.

"You have got to be joking," Loki muttered, his eyes going wider the closer she got to him.

"You're prettier when you shut up," Natasha said before kissing him full on the lips.

Clint gagged, Tony recorded the whole thing on his cell phone, and Thor bellowed a hearty laugh as the agent had her way with Loki's mouth. He appeared too stunned to do anything for a moment, but then he came to life and jerked forward some, kissing her back. Then Natasha gasped, shook and fell out of the chair, and within a blink of an eye, every other man in the room had descended upon the space.

Bruce, Steve and Thor all restrained Loki while Clint and Tony tended to Natasha on the floor .

"Nat," Clint said, "Nat, are you all right? What did he do? Did he hurt you?"

She blinked, still gasping, and shook the two men off of her with slightly trembling hands. "I'm fine."

"The hell did he do?" Tony demanded, helping her sit up as he glanced up at Loki, who was smugly looking down upon the scene despite the the three men pinning him to the back of the chair.

She ran a hand through her hair, exhaling deeply as she said, "I thought he couldn't use his magic if he's drunk."

"He can't," Thor said, looking down at his brother in confusion.

Loki grinned down at Natasha as he said with an innocent shrug, "Wine hasn't quite kicked in yet."

Tony looked from Loki to Natasha, and after noting Loki's self satisfied look and Natasha's sudden labored breathing and lack of anger, he rolled his eyes and let go of her. "Wow. Am I the only one who gets what just happened?"

Natasha rose to her feet then, straightened her clothes and glanced at Loki, who gave her a wink. She rolled her eyes and walked calmly back to her seat. Bruce rolled his eyes suddenly and let go of Loki. "Oh, hell. I get it now. Ugh."

Thor appeared to be holding back laughter, having just understood as well, and as Tony sat down once more, he looked to the Russian assassin and asked, "Need a cigarette? Shower, maybe?" She rolled her eyes, but Tony held up a hand and said, "All kidding aside, I want the lovely Natasha here to be a shining example to all of us - I mean, she just kissed someone who tried to take over the planet literally yesterday. She gets the spirit of this game. Let's all try to live up to what she just did. Just not to the same... extent. Well, at least not by Loki's hand. Or magic. Whatever. Gosh, so many puns are appropriate here."

"No more wine for Stark," Steve decreed.

"Hey -"

"My turn," Natasha said, ending the mini-argument before it began. She looked around at her options, then settled on the one who was currently swigging from the wine bottle. "Loki."

Loki's eyes widened and he lowered the bottle, doing his best to put on an angry and affronted face as he spat, "I most certainly shall not be coerced into participating in whatever idiotic, infantile 'game' you mortals are pl-"

Natasha sighed, turning to Tony and asking, "What's the penalty for refusing to play?"

"Good question." Tony thought for a moment. "Hmm... how about the taser?"

"A little extreme," Bruce chuckled.

Extreme or not, it appeared to do the trick. Loki suddenly looked terrified. Natasha smiled at this and said, "All right. Loki, truth or dare?"

He grimaced and made a disgusted sound, then took another large drink of wine. "I do not care."

"Just pick," she sighed.

"This is... utterly... ugh," Loki sighed and huffed, actually huffed, as if he were a child. Thor then took the wine bottle from him, muttering something about him having had quite enough, and then Loki finally gave an answer. "Truth."

Clint immediately leaned into Natasha, whispering a suggestion into her ear, but she shook her head and furrowed her brows as she thought over her choices. One thought was so amusing that she burst out giggling, then covered her mouth to make herself stop, and it was then that she realized how truly drunk she was.

"Am I the only one who finds it hysterical that the supposed 'god of lies' chose truth?" Steve asked nobody in particular, then took a drink from the wine bottle that had somehow ended up in his possession. It also appeared to be self-refilling.

"Shush," Natasha said. "Okay. Loki. Have you ever been in love?"

Cue several simultaneous groans. "Really?" Tony asked incredulously. "That's what you went with?"

"It's not like he's gonna answer honestly anyway," Clint shrugged, tugging the wine away from Steve.

"Be quiet and let him answer," Natasha hissed.

"Yes, be quiet and allow me to answer this ridiculous, pointless question," Loki scoffed. "No, Agent Romanov, I have not 'been in love', nor do I ever plan to be, because unlike you foolish mortals, I understand the inherent weakness and futility of sentiment."

Tony rolled his eyes slowly and torturously. "God, this guy's full of shit."

"But brother," Thor asked, eyes narrowed in confusion, "what of that affection you had for Sif as a boy? Or for that maiden you met in the fields -"

"So help me, Thor, I will cut out your tongue and force you to swallow it," Loki seethed, his eyes murderous.

"Ooh!" Tony smiled at Thor. "Do tell, big brother."

"Well, it began when -"

Loki then jumped out of the chair and tackled Thor, and both men stumbled to the floor in their drunkenness. Tony got his cell phone out again to record as the two 'gods' fought like children, Loki trying to punch but ending up merely slapping Thor, who was not as drunk and easily managed to overpower his brother.

"Yield, Loki!"

"I will do no such thing!"

"Loki," Thor growled warningly.

"I'll get the taser out," Natasha called from her seat, grinning stupidly.

Loki stilled at those words, but his eyes remained utterly enraged. Thor took this as the best he was going to get, and got to his feet, then grabbed Loki and tossed back into his seat.

"Well that was entertaining," Tony said. "But since I doubt Loki cares to take his next turn -"

"Another impressive display of your superior intelligence, Stark," Loki shot back sullenly.

" - Then how about we just let Natasha go again."

"Works for me," she grinned. "Tony. Truth or dare."

Tony's own grin widened. "Bring it on. Dare me, baby."

Natasha narrowed her eyes and thought hard over her options. What could one dare Tony Stark to do that he hadn't already done, and been photographed doing to boot?

"Give Steve a lap dance."

Steve suddenly spit everywhere, even though he hadn't been drinking anything. Tony laughed heartily and leapt to his feet, impressively steadily, and kicked off his shoes as Clint and Bruce moved their seats away from Steve's with comically sour expressions.

"No, no, - _no_, Stark! No!" Steve exclaimed, trying to jump out of the chair but falling on his ass instead. He scrambled up to his feet, yelling a chorus of no's and threats that fell on deaf ears, as Tony started chasing him around the room. Steve kept tripping over his own feet and falling, then laughing, then remembering who was chasing him and why, and then he'd half-scream and start scuttling away again.

"Jesus, he actually is drunk," Bruce said, watching the scene in fascination. Then he dissolved into his own alcohol-induced giggles.

"A little help, Thor?" Tony asked, unable to restrain the super soldier alone.

"On my way," Thor laughed. "Agent Romanov, watch my brother for me."

"I do not need a babysitter you pathetic -"

"Taser," Natasha reminded Loki, brandishing the thing, and he growled before shutting up and glaring at the wall.

Meanwhile, Thor and Tony had managed to catch Steve, and Thor tossed him back into his own seat.

"All right, hold him there, Point Break," Tony said as Steve started groaning and covering his face with his hands. "It's easier if you don't fight it, sweetheart."

Steve dropped his hands to glare at the other man. "You're a complete... fucking..."

"He swore again!" Tony announced gleefully. "He's drunk! We got the super soldier drunk!"

"Ah, Asgardian wine!" Thor bellowed proudly.

"I'll say," Tony agreed. "All right, I can't do this without a beat. Who's got an iPod? There's a dock over on the coffee table. Someone pick something... hot."

"Oh my _God_," Steve whined.

Natasha handed the taser over to Clint and then got up, digging a tiny little device out of her pocket and placing it on the aforementioned dock. She chose a song and then went to sit back down, and when the first notes of the song rang out, Tony made a puzzled face. "Doesn't really fit, but... well, good enough."

And so, as Thor kept Steve fixed firmly to his chair and Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" began flowing loudly through the room, Tony took a moment to let the rhythm settle in before he suddenly burst into dance, turning and gyrating his hips in front of a permanently traumatized Steve's face.

The only person in the room not laughing to the point of tears was Loki, who rolled his eyes and started drinking from the wine bottle that kept getting mysteriously stolen from person to person. Clint took video as Tony gave it his best and tortured Steve like nobody had ever before, but it wasn't until Tony placed himself fully in Steve's lap, straddling his hips and shamelessly riding him that several people fell out of their chairs clutching their stomachs and struggling to breathe through the laughter.

_"I kissed a girl just to try it... I hope my boyfriend don't mind it!"_ Tony sang, badly, as he continued to scar the soldier for life. "_It felt so wrong, it felt so right_ - am I right, Cap?"

At last, Thor could take no more, and he fell to the floor laughing, and Steve pushed Tony away now that he was no longer being held back by a god of thunder. "Aw, come on, I was just hitting my stride!" Tony protested.

"I think I've had enough of you and your stride, Stark!" Steve replied, trying to sound stern but failing when he started laughing at the end of his sentence.

"Oh, fine, whatever... anybody else want a piece of this? Yes, no, maybe? How about you, Banner?"

Picking himself up off the floor where he'd been laughing hysterically, Bruce held up a hand and climbed back into his seat. "No, I'm good."

Tony sighed, walking over to the iPod and switching the song off. "Fine. Anybody get that on video?"

"You know it," Clint nodded.

Tony sank back into his chair and grinned. "Fantastic. Post it on YouTube."

"What's YouTube?" Steve asked, horrified. "Stark, what the hell is YouTube?"

"Oh, nothing. It's this really small private website you can post videos to without worrying about anyone else seeing them."

"Already done," Clint said.

"Awesome. Okay, my turn. Hmmm... Bruce."

"Oh, great," Bruce sighed.

Tony grinned. "Truth or dare?"

"After what I've seen so far tonight, I think I'd be an idiot to pick anything but truth."

"Aw, that's a shame," Tony replied. "I had a good one in mind, too. Anyway... oh, I know what to ask. So, when you're... y'know..."

"The other guy," Bruce guessed.

"Yeah, the not-so-Jolly Green Giant," Tony nodded. "When you're him, is your hugeness proportional, and if so, have you ever considered creating a She-Hulk to have someone to have angry green giant-Hulk-penis sex with?"

Clint giggled - actually giggled - then stared down at his hands when Bruce glared at him.

"As a matter of fact," Bruce answered, head swaying on his neck a little bit from the wine, "yes, I'm proportional. Everywhere. And no. Because I'm not a big enough douche to subject anyone else to living like this."

"So," Tony said, leaning forward, "are we talking... two feet? Three feet? Five feet?"

"You know, shockingly," Bruce said in slight exasperation, "I've never really taken the time to break out the measuring tape, because I'm usually too busy smashing cities."

"I actually believe you," Tony said. "Hmph. Well, next time you rage out, go ahead and take a measurement and report back to me."

"It'll be my highest priority," Bruce replied, rolling his eyes.

"I know it will. Your turn."

Bruce sighed and looked around. "Okay. Um... Thor."

Thor's face lit up. "Yes, Banner!"

Bruce chuckled at his enthusiasm. "Yeah. Truth or dare."

"I fear not this 'dare' concept," Thor said confidently. "So I choose dare."

Tony nearly fell out of his seat as he scrambled up and out of it to run over to Bruce and whisper something in his ear.

Bruce made a face. "No."

Tony pulled away and sighed, then leaned forward and whispered something else.

"Jesus," Bruce laughed, "no."

"Oh, come on!" Tony said, arms outstretched. "Like you have a better idea."

"Actually..." Bruce then whispered something to Tony, whose expression changed from skeptical to appreciative.

"Not bad. Carry on," Tony nodded, returning to his seat.

Thor had been watching the whole time with rapt attention. "Well? What shall you dare me to do, Banner?"

"I dare you to go stand in the middle of Times Square, naked, and scream 'Behold, the mighty hammer of Thor'."

Thor looked ready to laugh and happily accept the challenge, but then his expression faltered and he said, "But won't there be children there?"

"Nah, right now it's just a bunch of government agents and news crews," Tony shrugged.

"Yeah," Bruce agreed, "but you've got to take someone with you to witness it."

"Fair enough," Thor nodded. "Who wants to come with me?"

Nobody really particularly wanted to seem overly eager to get a firsthand eyeful of Thor, but Natasha had no qualms about it. "I'll go."

"Normally I would politely decline, since you are a lady and it is rather improper," Thor said, "but I am quite drunk and I do not care at this moment."

"Works for me," she shrugged, standing up.

Thor then retrieved his hammer, and turned to Bruce and said, "You seem to be the most level headed of us all at the present moment. Watch over the Tesseract while I am gone."

Bruce gave the thumbs up, and then Thor turned to Natasha and grabbed on to her her with his free arm. "Hold on tight."

Then they were gone, Thor having flown up and out of the hole in the ceiling that he'd created upon his arrival. They arrived in Times Square only seconds later, and when they landed, Thor and Natasha found themselves surrounded by exactly what Tony had anticipated - agents, stubborn reporters, and more agents. All of them stopped what they were doing amidst yesterday's wreckage and stared.

"Well," Natasha sighed, "now or never, Thor."

"Indeed," he replied, squaring his shoulders and beginning the process of disrobing.

Every other human being in the vicinity froze and watched in complete and utter silence until the deed was done, at which point Thor stood proudly and stretched his arms out wide, Mjolnir in his right hand, and proclaimed, "Behold, the mighty hammer of Thor!"

Times Square was the most silent it had ever been as long as it had been in existence. Natasha covered her mouth with her hand, the hand that wasn't holding her phone up and recording the whole scene, and the amount of effort it took to hold in the giggles almost knocked her off of her drunken feet.

After several loudly silent moments filled only with the sound of crickets, Thor then reassembled his attire piece by piece, nonchalantly, as if what had just happened was in no way out of the ordinary. Then he grabbed Natasha again and smiled as he bellowed, "Goodnight, Midgardians!"

Then they were flying again, Natasha clutching him tight, and when they descended into Stark Tower once more, they descended into chaos.

Bruce was no longer Bruce, but his very large and very green alter ego, and he was smashing Loki into the ground as he had the day before. Tony was clutching the Tesseract while pointing and laughing at Loki getting his ass kicked again, Steve was facepalming, and Clint was cheering the Hulk on.

"What is - what in the name of Odin is happening?" Thor asked, his eyes widening as he watched his brother get pummeled mercilessly.

"Oh, your brother tried to grab this," Tony said, gesturing to the Tesseract in his arms. "So the Hulk had to make an appearance."

Thor closed his mouth that had been agape a moment earlier, then sprang into action. He jumped on the Hulk's back and the others watched as he tried to subdue the giant, and to their shock, he actually managed to get the Hulk down to his huge knees and off of Loki.

Thor then jumped off of the Hulk and stood in front of him, holding his hammer in front of his face. "Banner. That is enough."

Nobody was surprised when Thor then went flying across the room and into a wall, making a fresh new hole that Tony added to the rapidly growing list of needed repairs. Then the Hulk looked down at Loki, groaning and not moving as he lay beaten on his back, and gave a huff as he walked away.

"Hey," Tony piped up, "I've got some measuring tape somewhere in here, do you want to -"

A mighty roar in Tony's face shut him up. "Point taken. Never mind."

Then, in what may have been the most humorous part of the night yet, the Hulk then sat down in the middle of the room with the self-refilling wine bottle, and drank it's entire contents in one sip.

When Thor eventually reappeared, rubbing his head with a slight grimace, he walked past the Hulk and glanced at Tony as he said, "This game... it is far more dangerous than I had anticipated."

Tony shrugged. "Yeah. By the way, how did your dare go?"

"I'm sure Agent Romanov will be happy to show you," Thor muttered, bending down and throwing the still-groaning Loki over his shoulder.

"Oh, right," Natasha said, tossing her phone to Tony. "I almost forgot."

Tony missed her phone, accidentally knocking it to the floor and then bending over to pick it up. The Tesseract fell to the floor with a loud clank then, and Steve rolled his eyes and got up. "Okay, you're wasted, Stark. Hand it over."

"You're wasted, too!" Tony retorted, picking up both the energy source and Natasha's phone.

"I'm not as far gone as you," Steve said, though his body seemed to disagree as he swayed for no reason.

"Yeah, okay, sure," Tony said, sticking his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he tried to work the phone and pull up the video. It wasn't happening. "Shit. Yeah, I'm wasted."

Steve took the Tesseract then, and set it down on the floor as Thor passed by with Loki. He placed the hammer on top of the Tesseract once more, then walked on to put Loki back in his chair and sink back into his own.

For a moment, they all sat around, not saying a word. Loki was slumped limp in his seat, ignoring the low-throated growls he was still getting from the Hulk, Thor was still rubbing his head, Natasha was trying to pull up Thor's video but was having as much luck as Tony had, Clint looked generally dazed, Steve may have been pondering the direction of his life, and Tony had a bottle of whiskey in his hand.

"So," Tony said eventually, "it's Thor's turn."

Thor waited a moment, his face oddly somber. Then he turned to Loki and said, "Loki, truth or dare."

"You... cannot be serious," Loki croaked out.

"I am very serious," Thor said.

Loki sighed, quite willing at this point to do nearly anything if it meant not getting tased or beaten within an inch of his life by a snot-colored beast. "Truth."

That was what Thor had been hoping for. "Do you truly no longer think of me as your brother?"

"Buzzkill!" Tony exclaimed. "Oh my God, that is the mother of all buzzkills!"

"Quiet, Tony Stark," Thor hissed. Tony rolled his eyes and took a swig of whiskey.

Loki didn't waste time in answering the idiotic question. "Taking into account the fact that we are not in any way related by blood, no, Thor, I no longer consider you my brother. Is that simple enough for you to grasp?"

Thor looked down, obviously very troubled and hurt by this truth. "But... how can you simply forget everything?"

"Forget what?" Loki challenged, his tone bored. "How I grew up in your shadow, how I was always second best even though I excelled where you didn't, and how Father blatantly favored you from infancy?"

"Do they have therapists on Asgard?" Natasha asked absently. "Because you both could use one."

Thor looked almost as if he was ready to cry. "But... surely you must realize that I never knew the truth of your parentage, and even if I had, I still would have loved you as my brother no matter -"

"Oh my God," Tony groaned, loudly. "Seriously, save it for Dr. Phil, guys! This is supposed to be fun. Fun. F-u-n-n... I mean, f-u-n. Capsicle, go. You haven't had a turn yet."

Steve waved a hand carelessly, his other one clutching the Asgardian wine - how exactly he got that from the Hulk, nobody knew - and he slurred, "Yeah, okay... umm... well, my first choice would be Banner but he's not... Banner right now. Oh. Never mind. Yes he is."

Everybody glanced over at the same time, all surprised to find the Hulk gone and Bruce back, the remnants of his pants the only thing shielding his virtue from their eyes.

"How did you do that that fast?" Clint asked, asking what everyone was wondering.

"I don't know," he sighed, drunk and exhausted. "Not complaining, though."

"I'll go find you some clothes," Tony said, getting up and stumbling out of the room. A crash followed as soon as he was out of sight, and he quickly shouted, "I'm okay!"

The momentary silence in the room was broken by Clint's head hitting Natasha's shoulder. He was snoring loudly, and she rolled her eyes. "Lightweight."

"I am quite frankly shocked that any of you are still standing," Thor said. "Even I feel as if I'm about to succumb to the effects soon, and I am accustomed to it."

Another loud crash indicated Tony's return, and he came wobbling in with clothes that he tossed to Bruce. "What'd I miss? Did Steve go yet?"

"Nope," Steve replied. "I changed my mind. Truth or dare, Stark?"

"Like you have to ask. Dare," Tony said as he sat back down. "I'm so drunk I'd do anything right now. And possibly anyone. Ha!"

"Good," Steve nodded. "Because I dare you to neck with... I mean, make out with the person in this room that you like the most."

Tony narrowed his eyes. "What?"

"You heard me."

"I don't understand the dare."

Steve sighed. "I want to make you suffer, and it was the one thing I could think of that left me out as an option."

"Why not just pick someone for me?" Tony asked.

"Because I didn't want to," Steve shrugged.

"But when you say who I like the most, what do you mean?"

"I mean the person you get along with the best! Gosh, Stark, it's not rocket science."

Tony thought this over for a minute. "And when you say make out, how long are we talking? How many seconds?"

Steve looked like he was about to facepalm again, but then he closed his eyes and waved his hand, "Thirty seconds."

"Here or in a closet or something?"

"Here!" Steve exclaimed in frustration. "Geez, you're making this difficult!"

"I just wanted to know the parameters, okay?" Tony said. "Anyway, come here, Bruce."

Down on the floor, leaning against the legs of a table, Bruce's briefly closed eyes opened and his face paled. "Oh God."

"Please don't make me get up. I'm pretty sure I can't walk at this point."

"But..." Bruce sighed, making his sluggish brain trying to think of a way out of this, "you and Thor get along, right?"

"It's you, hands down, don't try to talk your way out of it."

"Thirty seconds is a long time!"

"You're gonna make me get up, aren't you."

"Yeah," Bruce said, "because for one, I'm drunk and I feel like shit from my ... outburst, and two, I'm hoping you'll pass out on your way over here."

"That's definitely a possibility," Tony admitted. "Hey, you can always pretend I'm a girl if that helps."

"I - how the hell am I supposed to do that when you've got that all that shit on your face?"

"You want me to shave first?" Tony asked, a little bewildered.

"Oh, come on," Natasha rolled her eyes. "It's thirty seconds, and it's making out. You're both lucky Steve's such a Boy Scout."

Bruce stared at her, bleary-eyed. "What do you mean?"

She rolled her eyes again. "Nothing."

With great effort, and a lot of leaning, Tony stood up from his seat and started taking very small steps. "Oh, damn. I haven't been this drunk since the last time I got invited to the Playboy Mansion."

He ended up crashing into the table Bruce was leaning against, sending a lamp flying to it's death, and accidentally kneeing Bruce in the face in the process.

"Ahhh!"

"Oops, my bad," Tony said, tumbling down to the floor next to Bruce, who was clutching his nose in pain. "Here, let me see."

"No, you'll kiss me!" Bruce whined miserably, his voice muffled by his hand over his face.

"Well... just let me see if I broke it or not."

"No!"

"Bruce, if you don't go along with it you'll get the taser, and I don't think you want another 'outburst' tonight. So let me see the damn nose and then get ready to pucker up."

Sighing and genuinely hating his life, Bruce dropped his hand and let Tony peer at the damage.

"Oh, you're fine. Not broken at all."

"Yeah, well, it hurts like a b-"

Across the room, everyone besides Loki and the unconscious Clint gasped, and like sportscasters at a major league ballgame, Thor, Steve, and Natasha began commenting on the thirty seconds of "necking" as it began.

"God, Tony's really going for it," Natasha said, eyes widening.

"He's smashing Banner's face," Steve observed.

"I mean no offense, but I find this a bit repulsive. And yet I cannot look away," Thor marveled.

"Oh God, I just saw tongue," Steve groaned, "and I don't know whose it was."

"Who just moaned?" Natasha whispered.

"It's been far more than thirty seconds," Thor said. "It's approaching a full minute now."

"Holy crap," Natasha said, "that was Bruce's tongue. They're actually into this."

"I... I'm going to have to bleach my eyes," Steve said.

"Then don't look!"

"I can't not look," he argued, "it's like what Thor said."

"Exactly," Thor agreed, "it is too strange and horrifying to not watch."

"What kind of game _is_ this?"

It was simple question, but it's asker made everyone in the room stop and look. Including Tony and Bruce, who broke away at last after nearly suffocating each other.

Loki stared at everyone and sneered, "What? Am I not allowed to ask a mere question?"

Silence fell for a second or two then, and down on the floor, Bruce took a deep breath and said, "Okay then. Let's never speak of this again. Ever."

"Psh," Tony scoffed, watching the other man half-walk, half-crawl to a chair. "Your tongue was down my throat first and you know it."

"Don't know what you're talking about."

"Denial's not just a river in Egypt!" Tony observed.

"Go outside and play hide and go f-"

As the two men bickered, Natasha sensed an opportunity through her drunken haze to manipulate Loki. And she'd never turn down a chance to do that. "All right, Thor," she said nonchalantly. "You and Loki's turn."

Thor's eyes turned into huge saucers but Loki's nearly fell out of their sockets as he exclaimed, "Excuse me? You mortals are even more depraved than I thought! Thor is my br-"

Loki froze as the words died in his mouth, and he realized by the smug smile on Natasha's face that she'd just manipulated him into telling the truth. Again. Meanwhile, Thor was smiling hugely with tears suddenly shining in his blue eyes.

"I knew it! I knew you still see us as brothers! Oh, Loki, I shall do everything I can to help you once we get back home. Everything can go back as it was and we can..."

As Thor blathered on, Loki slowly lowered his head against his fist, silently cursing Natasha Romanov's very existence, and putting her at the top of his "to-kill" list once he eventually broke free someday.

The sound of a body hitting the floor ended Thor's rant, but it only turned out to be Clint rolling out of his chair and ending up face down on the floor. Tony cleared his throat, still on the floor himself, recovered from his own dare already as he said, "Okay, my turn. Natasha, truth or dare?"

"Dare," she grinned, just as wasted as Tony was.

"Ha!" he exclaimed gleefully. "Revenge is mine. Give Steve a lap dance."

She furrowed her brows. "What, is that supposed to difficult for me or something?"

"No, it's payback," Tony slurred. "Because you made me give him one."

"Payback would be making me give Loki one, or doing something even more degrading with Loki," she pointed out.

Tony stared for a moment. "Oh. Okay, I change it to that. Do something really degrade... de... whatever you said, to Loki."

"Too late now," she grinned, standing up and quickly falling over. She laughed and stood back up with Thor's help. "Can't take it back. Tony, play a song from my iPod."

He muttered something and then twisted around, grabbing at the dock until his hand finally enclosed on it. He then squinted and opened his eyes wide, then squinted again, but no matter what he did, he couldn't focus on the tiny screen, so he hit the main circular button a few times and figured that whatever happened would happen.

Weirdly appropriately, "SexyBack" by Justin Timberlake came on, and as Tony marveled at the apparently substantial amount of lighthearted pop music on the assassin's iPod, he slumped back down against the table and prepared to watch Captain America get extremely uncomfortable.

Natasha was so beyond drunk that she had zero inhibitions left, and she wasn't very inhibited to begin with, making for a show that had Steve instantly stiffening in his chair and breathing through his mouth. Tony looked around on the floor for his phone and found Natasha's instead, and discovered that it had been recording idly for a very long time by now. Curious, he hit "stop" and then played it from the beginning. After seeing Thor's naked-in-Times-Square footage, which nearly made him choke, he got to the accidental footage, and found that the phone had been at the perfect angle to capture his unintentionally long dared kiss with Banner. He looked up for a minute, barely noticing how Natasha was grinding into Steve's lap, and considered erasing the video. Then he thought what the hell and left it, and tossed her phone aside, forgetting what he'd been planning on doing with it in the first place.

Apparently uncomfortable with sitting next to the racy dancing woman and dazed-looking man, Bruce got up from his seat and decided that the floor looked comfortable. Then he fell asleep instantly, his head in front of Tony's foot. Clint was laying a few feet away, not having moved once since he passed out.

"Banner." Tony kicked his head lightly. "Banner. Welp, he's out."

A glance upward found Loki asleep as well, and Thor looking a bit green. "Don't you dare puke in here."

"I am not going to vomit."

"No, Point Break, I'm serious," Tony admonished, waving a finger around and blinking very slowly, "if you throw up in here, I'm gonna freak the fuck out."

"I am fine," Thor insisted. "I have not vomited from too much consumption in years."

"Well, I'm just warning you." Tony glanced up and to his right, then muttered, "Holy shit."

Natasha was fully in Steve's lap, facing him, his arms around her and her hands in his hair, and they were in the midst of a furious kiss.

Thor, who had followed Tony's gaze to the two of them, glanced back at Tony and said, "I must say... this is probably the most interesting game I have ever participated in. Of any realm."

"Yeah," Tony agreed, "It's up there for me too. Which is saying a lot. Hey, Cap!"

Steve froze and opened his eyes, lips separating from Natasha's noisily as he looked down at Tony.

"Get a room. Specifically one downstairs. There's plenty. Go."

Steve gulped and turned back to Natasha, all flushed cheeks and swollen lips. She tilted her head by a fraction. "What do you say, soldier?"

"What happens at Stark Tower stays at Stark Tower," Tony said, laughing to himself. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Steve and Natasha leaving the room hand in hand.

Tony sighed and stretched out on the floor, deciding that it looked comfortable enough for him, too, but then he glanced at Bruce and got a sudden and irresistible quasi-prank idea.

"Oh, shit, Thor, listen to this," Tony laughed, crawling to Bruce's side as Thor watched in half-interest. "I'm gonna make him crap his pants in the morning. This is gonna be great."

Tony then opened Bruce's shirt down the middle, and for good measure, unbuttoned his pants and unzipped them. Then half-tore his own shirt, laughing stupidly the whole time, and said, "I can't wait to see his face. He might have a heart attack or... Hulk out or something. Either way, it's gonna he classic."

"But what if someone walks in and sees, and gets the wrong idea?" Thor asked.

"You're my witness that it's a joke and that nothing happened," Tony explained, plopping himself down on the floor next to Bruce. "Now goodnight."

Thor nodded and sighed, alone in the room for all intents and purposes. He sighed and found Loki's cuffs buried in his seat, and placed them back on his brother's wrists before getting up to check that the Tesseract was secure. It was. Then he turned to sit back down, paused, and vomited behind the chair.

Then he ended up on the floor somewhere, exactly where he wasn't sure, and passed out.

* * *

Nick Fury was a man who thought he'd seen it all, especially after the last week's events. But, he discovered how wrong he truly was when he stepped off the elevator in Stark Tower the next morning.

First he saw Steve Rogers and Agent Romanov, asleep and tangled together in the hallway leading to the top floor, covered only in Steve's shirt, the implications obvious. He placed his hands on his hips and braced himself, sure that the worst was yet to come.

A few more steps, and he was looking at one of the most pathetic and disturbing - not to mention infuriating - scenes he'd ever come across. Agent Barton, throwing up into a trash can behind Tony Stark's bar. Loki, war criminal and mass murderer, handcuffed and throwing up over the arm of the chair he was slumped in. Tony Stark and Bruce Banner, asleep and virtually cuddling one another, both in varying states of undress. Thor sleeping soundly through it all, mumbling unconsciously about his hammer and, oddly, Pop Tarts. The Tesseract tossed carelessly on the floor, Mjolnir on top of it.

In short, Nick Fury was going to kill them all. Slowly. Painfully. And perhaps publicly.

"Agent Barton."

Clint jumped in surprise, knocking over the trash can as he did. "Oh. Director Fury."

"Mind telling me what the meaning of all this is?"

Clint gulped, swallowing more puke that was trying to come out, and replied, "I would, sir, but I honestly don't remember."

Slowly, Bruce began to stir. He turned from his back and unknowingly turned towards Tony, opening his eyes against the bright light of morning. He heard someone puking, smelled it too, and grimaced as he sat up.

It was then that he realized the state he was in, who he was laying next to, and what it looked like. It was preposterous, of course, but then he started wracking his brain, trying to remember the night before. And the very last thing he could remember was kissing Tony Stark, on some stupid, drunken dare.

Next to him, Tony was apparently awake too. "Morning, sunshine."

"I'm gonna kill you."

"Not before I do," Nick Fury said, alerting both of them to his presence. He stepped in front of them, blocking the sunlight pounding through the window, and raised an eyebrow. "You do realize that I'm going to be kicking your asses for the rest of your lives, right?"

"Yep," Tony replied. "And calm down, Banner. It's a joke. Right, Thor?"

An indecipherable growl was all that was heard from the god of thunder.

"What do you _mean_ it's a joke?" Bruce demanded.

Tony sat up and sighed, squinting, "I thought it would be funny to make you think we did something. Or did something _more, _I should say_. _Thor! Wake up and tell Bruce that it's a joke. You're my witness, remember?"

Thor raised his head and looked around, eyes bloodshot and skin pale. "... Where am I?"

Tony sighed. "Well, never mind. But it _is_ a joke."

Bruce didn't look relieved. "How is this funny?!"

Tony chuckled. "Because it is!"

A weak voice a few feet away took the attention off of Tony for a moment. "If nobody terribly minds," Loki said, looking and sounding like utter crap, "could somebody peel my brother off the floor so he can take me back to Asgard to rot in peace?"

"Brother," Thor mumbled against the floor. "He called me brother..."

In search of a bathroom, Clint walked out of the room. He then immediately walked back inside, having seen the couple lying naked in the hallway, and hurried to go throw up some more in the trash can.

Fury sighed and clenched his jaw, feeling like the director of a daycare for drunken adults rather than a top secret government agency.

Tony may have been hungover and not in peak form, but he was never without his wit. He poked Bruce in the side and said, "Not much for cuddling the morning after, huh?"

And so the day began, with a thrashing green monster destroying some more of the already suffering Stark Tower. Just another day, Tony mused as the Hulk slapped him and he went flying many feet into the air, in the life of the Avengers.


End file.
